My woman told me last Friday night
Her birthday's coming and things ain't right
Well we've been together since before the war
And I never had her out on the dance hall floor
I didn't know what to say
I never learned to dance, I only learned to play
And to watch other people do their thing
My job was to pick and sing

Well I moped around the house
I watched late TV and slept on the couch
I flipped through the dial and after a while
A commercial came on that made me smile
It said learn to dance, learn the moves
Call 1-900 you just can't lose
Well it didn't take me long
I jumped right up and I ran to the phone
The operator asked, "Can I help you sir?"
And this is what I said to her

Help, I'm white and I can't get down
I got two left feet planted on the ground
I need some help if I do the town
Help, I'm white and I can't get down

I took the course and I learned quick
Just one week, it did the trick
So when that magic evening came
I knew I wouldn't be ashamed
The floor was crowded but something was wrong
I didn't recognize the songs
These cowboys ain't on my video tape
I wonder if there's been some mistake

I tried some moves, I spun around
Knocked a whole lot of dancers down
I kept my cool, had to be vogue
'Til they kicked my head doing the Cotton Eyed Joe
I laid there awhile and held my face
My woman went screaming from the place
I crawled out the back door
I didn't want no more

I've had enough, I'm going home
And make one more call on the telephone
And when they answer on the other end
This is what I'll say again

Help, I'm white and I can't get down
I got two left feet planted on the ground
I need some help if I do the town
Help, I'm white and I can't get down

Help, I'm white and I can't get down
I got two left feet planted on the ground
I need some help if I do the town
Help, I'm white and I can't get down