I wish you smelled a little funny
Not just funny - really bad
We could roam the streets forever
Just like cats but we'd never stray

I sometimes wish you were a mermaid
I could raise you in the tub at home
We could take a swim together
On weekly day trips to the bay
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
You and me

I wish you were a little bigger
Not just big, but really fat
Doors you would no longer fit through
In my bed you would have to stay
I often wish that you had feathers
I'd keep you in a giant cage
All day long I'd sit and watch you
I'd sing for you and that would be okay
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
You and me

People say there are plenty of fish
In the sea, baby, all I do is wish
I wish, I wish, I wish you were a little slower
Not just slow - but paralyzed
Then I could plug you into a socket
So you could never run away
I really wish that you were smaller
Not just small but really, really short
So I could put you in my pocket
And carry you around all day
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
Oh, you and me
It would be only you and me
You and me

You and me
You and me