Now they make new movies in old black and white
With happy endings where nobody fights
So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage
Honey, jump right up and show your age

I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
The Boston Blackie kind
A two-tone Ricky Ricardo jacket
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine

I remember being buck-toothed and skinny
Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny
Oh, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
Then I could solve some mysteries, too

Then it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growing up fast
Drinking on a fake I.D.
Yeah, and Rama of the jungle was everyone's B'wana
But only jazz musicians were smoking marijuana
Yeah, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
Then I could solve some mysteries, too

Then it's flat top, dirty bob, coppin' a feel
Grubbin' on the living room floor (so sore)
Yeah, they send you off to college, try to gain a little knowledge
But all you want to do is learn how to score

Yeah, but now I'm getting old, don't wear underwear
I don't go to church, and I don't cut my hair
But, I can go to movies and see it all there
Just the way that it used to be

That's why I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
The Boston Blackie kind
A two-tone Ricky Ricardo jacket
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine

Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be
Maybe suave Errol Flynn, or the Sheik of Araby
If I only had a pencil thin mustache
Then I could do some cruisin' too

Yeah, Bryl-cream, a little dab'll do ya
Oh, I could do some cruisin' too