Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me

I stand 6 foot 8 when I'm completely unfurled
And to find a mate I've looked all over this world
Then a store downtown advertised everything for us tall guys
And they had everything except tall girls

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me

I knew a gal who lived high up on a hill
Every Friday night, she'd give my heart a thrill
One night I came a-callin', I ran down the hill a-bawlin'
Cause she'd run off with some old fart named Bill

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me

We figured she was rich, loaded to the hilt
And we figured she had class like the Vanderbilts
'Cause we had heard for years how she was so well reared
How was we to know they meant the way she was built

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me