You've heard of foolish questions, and no doubt you've wondered why
A person who will ask them can expect the same reply
Did you ever take your girl a box of candy after tea
You notice how she grabs it, then says, "Is this for me?"

Foolish questions! You should answer when you can
"No, the candy's for your father or your mother or John, the hired hand
I just wanted you to see it, and now I'm gonna take it away"
Now there's a foolish question that you'll hear most every day

And then most every morning, there is someone 'round the place
who sees you take the shaving brush and lather up your face
And as you give the razor a preliminary wave
This fool will always ask you, "Are you going to take a shave?"

Foolish questions! And your answer is, I hope
"No! I ain't prepared for shaving. I just like the taste of soap!
I just like to take my shaving brush and paint myself this way"
Now there's a foolish question. You'll hear 'em most every day

And then you all have met the man who stops you on your way
He asks you where you're going, and listens while you say
"I'm going to the funeral of poor old Uncle Ned"
As soon as you have told him, he will say, "Why, is he dead?"

Foolish questions! And you might as well reply
"No! He always thought at first he'd have the funeral. Then after a while he'd die.
Uncle Ned was so original, he wanted it that way"
Now there's a foolish question that you'll hear most every day

Now suppose the elevator guy should forget to close the door
And you should tumble down, oh say, forty-seven floors
And when you reach the bottom and you're lying there inert
Some fool will come walking up and ask, "Are you hurt?"

Foolish Questions! Your dying words are
"No! I was in an awful hurry and that elevator's just too slow
Usually saves a lot of time, you know, comin' down this way"
Now wasn't that a Foolish Question? You'll hear 'em everyday!

That was a Foolish Question! You'll hear 'em ev'ry day!