Moe, I saw it on the TV, and I thought it was a shame
It was a man dressed like a woman, and he had a boy's name
Well, I heard it on the radio, while I was in the tub
Now Joe, what in the world is this thing they call the Culture Club?
Well it's some old boy from England, Moe
And he's making a million bucks
Joe, we'll never make a million driving these old trucks
Too many nights of drinking, losing football bets
Lately we'd do anything to get us out of debt

Where's the dress? Give me them high-heeled shoes!
Where's the dress? We'll be money-making fools
We might close the bars down, and cause a few arrests
But if it makes some money, tell me where's the dress?

Well, I'll hire me a nurse to tote my purse
And I'll keep it full of beer
Yeah, and I'll have a girl to drive my truck
And one to tease my hair
We can still go fishing, wear our old blue jeans
But when it comes to showtime, we'll be country queens

Where's the dress? Give me them high-heeled shoes!
Where's the dress? We'll be money-making fools
We might close the bars down, and cause a few arrests
But if it makes some money, tell me where's the dress?

(Where's the dress?)
Now Moe, let's get on down to the store
and get some lipstick and some rouge
(Where's the dress?)
Hey Joe, why don't we do this thing up right
and get some of them ostrich plumes?
(Where's the dress?)
You know, I was wondering if they made
a pink pump in size 12, Moe?
(Where's the dress?)
You don't think that old boy from England
shaves his legs, do you Joe?
(Where's the dress?)
Well I don't know but it would take a butcher
to cut the hair off our legs, Moe
(Where's the dress?)
Well I can see it now, Boy Moe,
Boy Joe and the Grand Old Opry
(Where's the dress?)
Uh-uh Moe, I don't think ol' Roy would like
that at all, uh-uh, no, no way, Moe
(Where's the dress?)
I can't wait to see you Joe in one
of them Cross Your Heart brassieres, yeah
(Where's the dress?)
I'll tell you what, Moe, you're gonna
look good in them pink pantyhose