I was born almost ten thousand years ago,
And there's nothin' in the world that I don't know
I saw Peter, Paul and Moses
Playing ring-around-the-roses
And I'm here to lick the guy what says 'tain't so.

I saw Satan when he looked the garden o'er
Then saw Adam and Eve driven from the door
And behind the bushes peeping
Saw the apple they were eating
And I'll swear that I'm the guy what ate the core.

I saw Jonah when he'mbarked within the whale
And thought that he'd never live to tell the tale.
But old Jonah'd eaten garlic
And he gave the whale a colic
So he coughed him up and let him out o' jail.

I saw Samson when he laid the village cold
And saw Daniel tame the lions in the hold
And helped build the tower of Babel
Up as high as they were able
And there's lots of other things I haven't told.

I taught Solomon his little A-B-C's
I helped Brigham Young to make Limburger cheese
And while sailing down the bay
With Methuselah one day
I saved his long flowing whiskers from the breeze.

Queen Elizabeth, she fell in love with me
We were married in Milwaukee secretly
But I schemed around and shook her
And I went with General Hooker
To shoot mosquitoes down there in Tennessee.

I remember when the country had a king
I saw Cleopatra pawn her wedding ring
And I saw the flags a-flyin'
When George Washington stopped lyin'
On the night when Patti first began to sing.