I was a cook and she was a waitress,
Down at the Salty Dog Seafood Cafe;
And somewhere 'tween the clam juice and the seaweed salad,
Some little shrimp just lured her away.

Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
He wrapped his line around her,
And they drove off in his carp.
Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
I octopus his face in, he'll only break her heart.

I said just squid and leave me for that piano tuna,
If you want to trout something new;
She was the bass I ever had, now my life has no porpoise,
Oh, my cod, I love her, yes, I do.

Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
He wrapped his line around her,
And they drove off in his carp.
Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
I octopus his face in, he'll only break her heart.

[Spoken] Frankly scallop, I don't give a clam.