Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt ... Moo!
Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt ... Moo!

I been across the nation many times now
East to west, north and south as well
I've been taking all the ribbin', lettin' people do their fibbin'
Here's one thing that I've just got to tell

Way down south in ol' Jack County down in Texas
Was born 13 children on a farm
They made doctors, farmers, preachers, superintendents and school teachers
And maybe I'm the one who likes to yarn

Pass the udder udder over to my udder brudder
Pass the udder udder this-a-way
So we passed the udder udder and I passed it to my brudder
Lord, we had a handful every day

They say things grow big up in Alaska
But there's nothing in that state to quite compare
To a cow that we once had us, the name of her was Gladys
Boy, you should have seen the neighbors stand and stare

She stood 10 feet tall and had one purple eyeball
It took eight of us to milk her, here is why:
She had 27 spigots, and the tourists all bought tickets
Just to watch us milk and hear us loudly cry-y-y-y...

Pass the udder udder over to my udder brudder
Pass the udder udder this-a-way
So we passed the udder udder and I passed it to my brudder
Lord, we had a handful every day

Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt ... Moo!
Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt ... Moo!

We created quite a spectacle, I grant you
But we milked her just as pretty as you please
And while people said "How funny,", we raked in enough durn money
To go out and order ermine BVD's

Father turned her on her back one Sunday morning
Gladys said "I'm upside down, now what's the gag?"
"Well, the reason why," said Pop "is so the cream will be on top."
"Gosh," the cow said, "in that case, it's in the bag!"

Pass the udder udder over to my brudder
Pass the udder udder this-a-way
So we passed the udder udder and I passed it to my brudder
Lord, we had a handful every day

Gladys she was quite a star in cattle circles
Though she couldn't read or write her name in full
You would think she'd been to college, although she herself acknowledged
That she gained her fame entirely by pull

Gladys said to us one cold December morning
She said "Milking is the thing I dearly love
But when I get a cold it lingers, and I can't stand icy fingers
So go back into the house and get your gloves!"

Pass the udder udder over to my brudder
Pass the udder udder this-a-way
So we passed the udder udder and I passed it to my brudder
Lord, we had a handful every day