You will probably notice an occasional loud voice coming from the speakers. That voice (or "caller") tells you exactly what to do, so pay attention to ...
ATTENTION SQUARE-MART SHOPPERS!!
THE ONCE-A-YEAR NEW SHOPPER CLASS
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!
Did you hear the Voice? LOUD, ain't it? New shoppers can enter the store only once a year. That's because it takes at least a year to learn how to properly shop. As a new shopper, you can shop ANYWHERE you want to, ANYWHERE in the store, as long as you stay in the FIRST aisle.
After you learn to shop, you'll probably spend most of your time shopping in the PLUS or ADVANCED aisles. You'll certainly NEVER want to return to the first (or BASIC) aisle.
ATTENTION SQUARE-MART SHOPPERS!!
GATHER UP YOUR NEW RECRUITS AND LET'S
START TEACHING THEM HOW TO SHOP!
Oh NO! It looks like this year's class of new shoppers is the smallest ever. That's HARD to understand! We have been out recruiting for the past six or seven DAYS. We made flyers inviting people to Square-Mart, and we put the flyers in EVERY aisle of this store. I just can't figure out why people nowadays don't want to learn to SHOP.
Could there possibly be a problem with the shopping LIST? The LIST issue has been debated for over 15 years! Some people claim that lists are NOT a problem. Others believe that lists are at least ONE of our problems. We can't seem to AGREE!
In fact, the most recent SHOPPER-LAB vote reveals that our leadership is split exactly 50-50 on the list issue. So, ARE the lists a problem, or WHAT? What does it TAKE for an issue to be considered a PROBLEM anyway? If folks argue about an issue for 15 YEARS, and if that same issue divides our leadership exactly in HALF, would you say that lists are at least ONE of our PROBLEMS??
ATTENTION SQUARE-MART SHOPPERS!!
AFTER YOUR FIRST LESSON, YOU CAN SHOP
AT ANY SQUARE-MART STORE, WITH ALL YOUR
FRIENDS, IN JUST SIXTY MORE WEEKS!
Yep, we've identified at least ONE of our problems. We have become such expert shoppers that it takes TOO LONG for new shoppers to join us! In many cases, it takes MORE THAN A YEAR for a new shopper to become something other than a "new shopper". Today's people lack the time and motivation to attend lessons every week for a YEAR before they can "belong".
Editorial note ---> right here is the obvious place for a wordplay on "Work Shop", but let's forget about it, okay? :-)
Learning about EVERY item on the shopping list simply takes LONGER than the public will TOLERATE. The result is that YESTERYEAR'S list no longer describes TODAY'S shoppers. The list is at least ONE barrier keeping new shoppers OUT of the store. There may be other barriers in today's shopping (such as the requirement that all shoppers visit the Clothes Department first), but the list is at least ONE area needing revision.
ATTENTION SQUARE-MART SHOPPERS!!
LET'S START LOOKING AT THE SHOPPING LIST,
JUST LIKE WE'VE ALWAYS DONE BEFORE.
So, if the list needs changing, why don't we simply CHANGE it? It's not quite that easy. There is a general fear that drastic change will chase many existing shoppers out of the store. To get more shoppers, we need to change the list, but we can't change the list, or we'll lose all our shoppers. It's a dilemma! This debate has been raging for YEARS!
Okay, what if we encourage new shoppers to stay in the beginner aisles, and we don't even TELL them about all the other aisles? Maybe that would work. It's certainly worth a try.
ATTENTION SQUARE-MART SHOPPERS!!
TODAY'S BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL IS
"HOW TO LOAD THE BOAT", SO HURRY
ON OVER TO THE PLUS AISLE.
Oops! Trying to isolate new shoppers from the way WE shop won't work either! Something has to change! For years and YEARS we have tried to quickly convert new shoppers into expert shoppers just like US. It's time to try something different.
Nasser "let's figure out how to fill up the store" Shukayr