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BIOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY for (insert caller's name here)
I'm the greatest square dance caller ever. Most dancers believe this activity is non-competitive. They're WRONG! Square dancing *is* a competetion! It's a contest between caller and dancer.
The dancers MUST win! Everyone hates a loser. Certainly no one wants to dance to the CALLING of a loser! I'll show your dancers how good of a caller I am! They won't be able to do my exquisite choreo, but they'll WIN the privilege of dancing to the world's BEST caller!
Many callers CLAIM they're the best. I can PROVE my claims. Callers develop in phases. Most start out KNOWING they are crummy. (Of course, *I* was never crummy. I started out EXCELLENT, and then improved.)
The second phase of caller development is when they think they MIGHT be a good caller, but they aren't SURE. I'm FAR past this primitive stage, because I know for a FACT that I'm good.
The third phase of caller development is when you KNOW you're good, and you want everyone ELSE to know it too. So, you constantly BRAG about your abilities. I've progressed FAR beyond this phase. To get to the phase *I'm* in, you need talent, knowledge, skill, experience, and above all, you must be HUMBLE.
That's because the final stage of caller development is when everyone KNOWS how good you are. No bragging is needed. Only a handful of callers ever reach this phase. Most of 'em need years of practice, but not me. I'm such a naturally excellent caller that I don't need to PRACTICE.
If you don't hire ME, please do yourself a favor and at least hire a caller in the final stage of development. And especially don't hire a BRAGGER. A BRAGGER can ONLY talk about how good of a caller he is. You certainly won't find a BRAGGER who can call as good as I do. For just a little more money, you can hire a BETTER caller (like, for example, me) who does not BRAG.
Even if I SOUND like a bragger, I'm NOT. BRAGGING is when you make EXAGGERATED claims about your ability. I haven't exaggerated ANYTHING. It's NOT bragging when you truthfully report the FACTS. You wouldn't want me to LIE about the FACTS, now would you?
I'm the best caller on the planet. There are SOME callers ALMOST as good as I am. But they'll NEVER be AS good, because that's impossible. You just can't GET any better than I am.
Why take chances? If you hire someone else, you run the risk of ending up with a BRAGGER who can't call as good. Hire me, and you'll have the best possible caller who does NOT brag. This is assuming, of course, that your small piddly club can AFFORD the best caller in the universe. And even if you CAN afford me, I'm probably booked somewhere else on that date.
I know what you're thinking. You're wondering, "How can a caller become SO good and still not BRAG?". I agree: it doesn't make sense. You'd think a caller of MY skill wouldn't be able to stop talking about how good he is. But, miracles DO happen. It's a miracle that I can call SO good and yet NOT BRAG about it. Let's admit it. I'm a walking miracle.
Please don't short-change yourself. Hire a caller (like, for example, me) who is the BEST, who gives dancers the ultimate PRIVILEGE (of dancing to ME), who makes SURE the dancers know I can call better than they dance, and above all, does NOT BRAG.
Nasser "just the facts" Shukayr