Clerk: Now before the court is "Fine-Tuning Caller", charged
with believing that improving the definitions and lists will get more new
people into square dancing.
Judge: Fine-Tuning, how do you plead?
Fine-Tuning: Ignorance.
Judge: Ignorance is no excuse. The court sentences
you to five months of reading articles by Nasser Shukayr. NEXT!
Clerk: Before the court is "Easy Caller", who is charged
with calling too much easy Mainstream, and not enough Serious Plus and
Advanced.
Defense Attorney: Objection!!
Judge: Why?
Defense Attorney: This whole thing is starting
to sound like just another irrelevant article!
Judge: Overruled. Easy, how do you plead?
Easy Caller: Guilty.
Judge: The court sentences you to thirty hours in the
C-2 hall at the National Convention. NEXT!
Clerk: Now before the court is "Precise Caller", charged
with spending too much time worrying about WHAT calls people will dance,
and exactly HOW they will dance them, but spending no effort on WHO is
supposed to be doing all this dancing.
Judge: Precise, how do you plead?
Precise Caller: Not Guilty. Where I come
from, it's legal to do what I did.
Judge: Call the first witness.
Prosecutor: Mr. Witness, tell us what you saw on or about
the end of November, 1995.
Witness: Precise Caller posted several internet messages
about the finer points of calls which no one ever calls, and even if someone
called it, no square could actually dance it.
Judge: Precise, what do you have to say for yourself?
Precise Caller: It doesn't matter if dancers don't
particularly give a hoot. All that matters is for dancers to be aware
of my own incredible vast storehouse of knowledge about the finer points
of all the calls.
Judge: The court sentences you to ten years of hard labor
on CALLERLAB committees. NEXT!
Clerk: Before the court is "Bad-Luck Caller", charged with
breaking the chain of a computerized chain-letter.
Judge: Bad-Luck, how do you plead?
Bad-Luck: Self Defense.
Judge: Case dismissed. Since you broke the chain,
your car won't start, your dog will run away, and your arm is gonna fall
off, so life will hand you its own punishment. Court Adjourned!
Nasser "someone please file a Motion to Dismiss this
post" Shukayr