Here's a great idea for Square Dance weddings. First, a record company needs to produce a singing call named THE WEDDING SONG.
Real wedding ceremonies require a LOT of words. You can't possibly say ALL the words during ONE "Weave the Ring" or "Promenade". So, when you call The Wedding Song, you'll recite the ceremony a FEW words at a time.
Something like this: LEFT ALLEMANDE, WEAVE THE RING, dearly beloved we have gathered, SWING, here today, PROMENADE, to witness the bonding in holy, HEADS SQUARE THRU, matrimony of this couple who, SWING THRU ... et cetera.
By the end of the song, you have said ALL the required words, the couples are really MARRIED, and it's all LEGAL.
The record needs TWO places where the music STOPS, and the people getting married must holler "I DO!". This is GREAT, because any square dance is a LOT more FUN whenever dancers are excited and hollerin'.
Note that ONLY those dancers who actually holler "I DO!" will end up legally married. It's a RULE. Well, maybe it's not in the official CALLERLAB definitions, but I HEARD about it on the INTERNET, so it's GOT to be TRUE, right? You aren't REALLY married, UNLESS you holler "I DO!".
So, if you're EVER in a square and the caller calls The Wedding Song, do NOT holler "I DO!", UNLESS you're dancing with someone you like a LOT. If the caller is a Justice of the Peace, and if you holler "I DO!", then you're legally MARRIED, and it's the FINAL answer.
What if you GOOF UP when dancing a figure, and at the end of the song, you're with the WRONG PARTNER?? Why, you'd accidently be married to the WRONG PERSON!
Will your EXCUSE hold up in COURT?
Judge: What's your EXCUSE?
Defendant: I married the WRONG person.
Judge: Yeah, SURE you did! That's what they ALL say.
Defendant: It's TRUE. I missed a BOYS TRADE, so I ended
up with the WRONG partner.
The judge just won't UNDERSTAND. No siree, if you make a mistake when dancing The Wedding Song, you're STUCK. And that's EXACTLY why we need to teach new dancers CORRECTLY. The SLIGHTEST dancing mistake can be very COSTLY.
What if we make the consequences more SEVERE as you go up the levels? BASIC dancers would be stuck with the wrong person for one DAY. Mainstream, one WEEK. Challenge, one YEAR. The higher the level, the higher the PRICE for a MISTAKE. This will make higher levels more "interesting".
The Wedding Song will stir up more participation in BASIC dances. Think about it: You get the "wrong" spouse for ONE DAY. But the NEXT day, it doesn't COUNT, so you can start all OVER! HURRAY! People will line up for MILES, just to get inside the door of a Basic dance!
Callers, please be sure to call The Wedding Song ONLY as the LAST tip of your dance. AFTER you call it, and after everyone has a brand-new spouse for one DAY, they're all gonna leave the hall as FAST as they can. So it might as well be your LAST tip.
But we still need a permanent SOLUTION to the PROBLEM of making a mistake and ending up married to the WRONG partner. Let's hope the record companies will solve this new problem by once again producing a useful new record.
Nasser "next month's best seller: The Divorce Song" Shukayr