Does it take TOO LONG to learn to drive? Many existing drivers claim it does NOT take TOO long, and that classes are FUN enough to keep you interested. But let's not worry about such details. Let's JUMP right in to the first DRIVING LESSON.
Meet your FRIEND, the CAR KEY. Your first lesson is how to use your KEY. I know what you're thinking. You mistakenly believe you can hop in your car, stick in the KEY, and start driving.
Ha ha ha. You are SO FUNNY! You're living in the PAST! You're thinking about the GOOD OLD DAYS, back BEFORE we had so many clever creative CALLERS, oops, I mean DRIVING INSTRUCTORS. Back THEN, you learned each maneuver the STANDARD way. Nowadays, every maneuver has many NEW and EXCITING applications. As a new driver, you must learn ALL of the EXTENDED moves before you can actually DRIVE.
Let's start LEARNING! Here's the first BASIC. Turn your key in a circular motion to the RIGHT (or CIRCLE RIGHT) to start your car. Turn your key to the LEFT (or CIRCLE LEFT) to use the car's accesories. Circle moves can be done Full, Half, One Quarter, Five Eighths, Seven Sixteenths, etc. You need to know ALL of this, because using a key to merely START YOUR CAR does not bring out the true inner BEAUTY of your key.
What?? You want to actually USE your KEY in your own CAR?? NOT SO FAST!! What if you were DRIVING and something unexpected happened? Your car would BREAK DOWN. That's why you need to learn what to do if the key gets BENT or BROKEN or FROZEN or LOST. Although these situations may never happen, they HAVE been called at least once in all of HISTORY. Therefore YOU, a brand-new beginner, must learn how to handle EVERY EXTENDED APPLICATION before you can DRIVE for the FIRST TIME.
What happens if someone WANTS to drive but can't devote YEARS to classes? The answer is simple: they DROP OUT. Would it make sense to get people into STANDARD driving first? Then if you have the time and if you WANT TO, you can take MORE classes to learn precision high-level EXTENDED driving? Why SURE it would make sense! It's an EXCELLENT idea!
The problem with your idea is there is only ONE way for someone to have any INPUT into the decision-making process. You must have already SURVIVED the lengthy lessons. If you lack the time or desire to learn EXTENDED APPLICATIONS, you have ALREADY dropped out, so you don't get to vote.
Do YOU believe it takes TOO LONG to learn to SQUARE DANCE? Of COURSE you DON'T! If it took too LONG, YOU wouldn't BE HERE! It does NOT take too long to learn, and it is EASY to learn, provided that you have ALREADY SURVIVED LEARNING IT. The only folks who might have trouble with it are NON-DRIVERS! And THEY don't get to VOTE, so who CARES?
As a prime example, next month we'll vote on TARGET 2000. Should people be allowed to DRIVE after learning only STANDARD APPLICATIONS? Every VOTER already KNOWS extended applications! What about ALL the people who would LOVE to drive but have DROPPED OUT because the only ones who have enough FREE TIME to LEARN HOW are OLD RETIRED FOLKS?
Oops, we got sidetracked! Back to the lesson about CAR KEYS. Before you are allowed to drive, you must learn Circle Left and Circle Right and Bent Key and Broken Key and Lost Key. Then you must learn all sorts of other moves, including the Keycup Chain. Then we'll practice all these moves UPSIDE DOWN and BACKWARDS and BLINDFOLDED. Within just a few short weeks, you'll actually be allowed to get INTO your car with your FRIEND the KEY.
PLEASE don't DELUDE yourself into thinking that you'll actually get to DRIVE anytime soon. Keys are made of METAL, right? You'll need lots of lessons on METAL. Metal is made from ROCKS. ROCKS are found inside mountains. Your first homework assignment (and remember, lessons are *FUN*) is to climb a MOUNTAIN, gather the right kind of ROCKS, use the ROCKS to make some METAL, and shape the METAL into a CAR KEY. After doing all of THAT, you'll finally be a master of Extended Applications for the FIRST call. After learning only 95 more calls, you can drive with your friends!
Of course, by the time you finish lessons, clever callers would have invented even MORE extended applications, so you'll have to start all over. Extended applications keep it fun for the experienced drivers. Too bad they also keep new dancers OUT.
It's a matter of choice. We chose to teach new drivers Extended Applications from Day One. This produces HIGH-QUALITY drivers. You NEED lots of skill to be a successful driver today. That's because the roads are almost DESERTED. There are too few OTHER DRIVERS to help show you the way.
Learning to drive has an ENTRY BARRIER. If you can't afford the TIME and EFFORT to cross the barrier, you can't drive. The entry barrier has gradually gone UP over the years, due to the advent of Extended Applications. If you RAISE a barrier, the only possible result is FEWER NEW DRIVERS. If you LOWER the barrier (like T-2000 does), you make it EASIER for NEW DRIVERS to join. The ONLY POSSIBLE result is MORE DRIVERS.
Nasser "let's create a TRAFFIC JAM" Shukayr